First I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for all that have commented, emailed, messaged, tweeted, etc at me your praise and gratitude. All my gratitude in return. Though I can't always answer every word and message from you guys, you have no idea how your words of encouragement always seems to come exactly when I need them most! Trust me, you all are and always will be a deeply important part of my life's journey... more than you probably know!
Time. Time has been on my mind lately. The passing of time. The presence of time. The anxiety over time slipping by. Fear of waste. Issues over timing. Too much time. To little time. Time is on my mind.
I believe a Truth, though I may not know it as deeply as I could yet; Time is never wasted. Everything is redeemable, and its all intertwined and written by the same hand.
As free-spirited and zen as I proclaim myself to be, I had an agenda for my life, set into place years ago. I might tell you that I live in the present, go with the flow, blah blah blah but the truth is I had and have an agenda that I have no right to have. I decided that a life's worth was wrapped up in my ability to achieve certain things by certain dates with a certain success rate. Never mind all of the incredible things that were happening in my life which I had never planned for. Never mind the numerous blessings and surprises that trumped my 'agenda'. I had made certain decisions about what my life should look like, and when it didn't look exactly like my humble little plans and dreams, I equated a certain degree of failure.
I also struggle with a 'now or never' sickeness: the belief that if I haven't gained financial security by now, its never going to happen. Haven't found your perfect career fit yet? All hope is lost. Chose to wait on relationships/marriage/children? Then your ship has sailed, those desires of your heart will never be fulfilled.
When I believe it, and when I don't, though- the same thing keeps coming to the surface: Time is never wasted.
The only waste is in our worry... which is a substantial energy waste. Your tomorrow will take care of itself, so why spend all of today's energy in worry for that? Worry is not productive because it isn't planning.. it's simply speculation. What if you spent that same energy caring for and considering others... anyone else who is even just a little worse off than you? Or planning for your future, casting fears aside, rather than clouding your mind with fears and worries...?
...
The strange thing is; when we stop considering ourselves, when we stop worrying about ourselves... amazingly we take care of and impact others, but also somehow our present issues and worries take care of themselves. Two birds with one stone. That's the Truth.
Has this 'blog' stayed even close to its theme? Do you feel closer to Home? Do I? Yes and No. I've learned much...yet have arrived nowhere.... How about you?
My most up-to-date philosophy is this: Love. People. Love them non-stop, no questions asked. Love people, and fight for Gratitude and Forgiveness always. The Truth is, sometimes you have to teach yourself to love and appreciate the greatest things in life... because you wont always catch it at first glance :)
Connected, and much Love to you all...
-Juls
