Saturday, April 16, 2011

If We Knew the End...

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately.  If we knew the places our life was going to take us, maybe we would calm the f*** down.  Seriously, are your shoulders at your ears right now? What the hell is worth that?! Honestly... what are you worried about?  What if we knew all the wonderful things that were headed to us... would we relax more?  If someone told you that you were promised greatness, success at the greatest level, infinite laughter and joy, and unconditional love... would you relax a little?

I spent a year in NYC where I was constantly worried about what I was doing with my life, what I was accomplishing.  If in the midst of that year, I had been told that within a considerably short amount of time I would be back on track and achieving things that rocked my world... would I have lived differently?  Hell yes.   If you had told me that my year in NYC would just be a stop-off, temporary resting place, a vacation... really-  I would have freaking Lived. It. Up.  And I did live it up, but I didn't even appreciate that.  If I'd known the ending, I would have enjoyed the ride more.

Lets throw it down:  I had a leaky ceiling, a mouse, an air mattress that deflated, a job I hated, and a loss of direction.  I laughed so much, though.  I learned to have the best sense of humor in the world.  You think those things didn't shock the hell out of me?  Those surprises were God's greatest jokes on me... and I had to laugh back.  IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS, when it comes right down to it.  I'm fine, yes?  I survived?  Made good out of bad?  Had some amazing times, met great people, lived this amazing year in NYC where I was free as could be and did whatever I wanted to do.  I don't want to have the same struggles that I had in that year over an over again, but I really hope that wasn't the greatest adventure of my life... I've got way too much left in me.  I've lived a dozen mini adventures since then, even.  It's never ending.

Maybe being at "Home" is enjoying this cluster-mess of a ride.  Not knowing where I'm heading but knowing what, in essence, I want this life to be.  Living for the surprises.  Demanding the surprises, even.

God knows nothing in my life has been what I thought it would be.... but it's always been better.  Why I don't demand more of that, is still a mystery to me.  Why wouldn't I demand to be surprised, to have my expectations exceeded constantly?  Screw it, show me what ya' working with!  Blow me away.

Don't settle for the things you expect.  Expect the things that your soul wants to demand, but thinks are too impossible.  I want to live in the realm of the impossible.  You know what, I think coming Home is living in the realm of the impossible.

I have approx. 1 million adventures left in me.  I have the dream of a bar I want to open.  Kids I want to mentor.  Countries I want to visit.  There is an epic cross-country road trip brewing in my blood.  There are insane love stories yet to be lived, friends yet to be met, art yet to be made, and greater versions of myself yet to be met.  None of it is "probable" but it's all possible.

Leaving safe territory, leaving those "Homes" you've clung to are the best steps toward finding the truest home you'll ever find.  I say this all, by the way, from no place of actual knowing.  I'm not there yet, but damn I love this life.  I love discovering it, being surprised, being disappointed even... so that I know that there is something better for me.  Damn, I love this life.  I love this journey... it's way too much fun when you let it be what it's going to be.  When you let it surprise you.

As I've always said; laugh often, and at all things, and always at yourself.

1 comment:

  1. Just found your blog today, and I know this is an old post but still...I wanted to leave a little comment to tell you how much this post resonated with me. None of my plans for next year is happening and it feels like my world is falling apart. And I know its not, its just a feeling, a loss of control. Panic, stress. Uncertainty. And this post reminded me that I don't have to know, and to expect the impossible. I'm still too afraid to actually DO that though, and I'm in a confused and depressed state of mind. But I think I'll come back here and read this post everyday until I feel better and truly believe it. Thank you!